As cliche as it may seem, it was a summer of immense possibilities, but I wasn’t taking advantage of that. I am not sure if it was the extreme boredom of the hot June month that made me feel sluggish and insecure, but I just could not seem to move forward with any positivity. At that time I really wasn’t pondering where should I go to grad school? How many classes should I take in the fall? Or more importantly who will hire me after I graduate in May? It was incredible to notice how much I did not care about any of those questions, I had a burned out attitude towards any subject that would ultimately propel me closer to a career I was working for my entire life. Whether I was just less active or insecure, I couldn’t shove the “I really don’t care” feeling that this generation simply stood for.
That summer the only time I would plan a trip was to see a nuance garage punk band in the back of a warehouse versus visiting my estranged sister who lives out of state. I had no idea why but the music filtering through the mediocre speakers on my laptop was just not good enough. I felt like an indentured traveler at that point, not giving any of my time to a real issue, but just a servant to artists that I only knew at earshot.
The image that I decided to connect to my writing aesthetic was a product of that lazy summer, it was a photograph taken at the Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago, a place that I had never ventured to until that weekend.
The crowd of people didn’t frighten me into a claustrophobic episode, instead it arose so many questions. It was then that all those same questions that I put off the month before concerning my future filtered back into my head with urgency. My mind was a wasteland until that moment, I quickly realized maturity only adjusts when I wanted it too. The atmosphere, the cuisine, the people, it was all different interactions than what I had at home in Florida, giving me inspiration to explore more.
This image was a collection of all the insecure feelings I had at the beginning of the summer but summed up into what is the bigger picture? What I may think is significant in order for my life to progress can absolutely not be crucial to the person standing next to me? For once it allowed me to realize that following the guidelines of what I may think is accurate for happiness and success isn’t really what I should be focusing on. I do not need to look for inspiration to write at grad school but rather be inspired by the most uncanny events. It was in that clump of people that I realized the most interesting pieces of writing that I can compose come from the most unexpected events.
